Sam Says
This week our resident commentator waxes lyrical on a
subject close to his heart. In a departure from our usual style, we're pleased
to be able to give you this week's column.
Afternoon, folks! My name's Sam and today I'm going to be attempting a relatively well thought-out article on one of the many things in the world I absolutely loathe: the gender binary. In the coming weeks and months, you'll hear about a lot of things that I hate and I promise I'll get a little more light hearted. This week, not so much. If you want comedy, go read a different section, alright? If you want something to make you think however...
Part 1: What is the binary?
Some of you won't know what the gender binary is, so here's a quick run-down. The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders – male and female – and that anyone who is male must have a penis (or vice-versa), and anyone who is female must have a vagina (or, again, vice-versa). It's also the notion that anyone who is female must behave in a typically feminine way, and anyone who is male must act in a typically masculine way. I'm basically here to explain why in my opinion this binary is – and I'm being nice here – a load of shite.
Part 2: The binary and me.
Most people don't even realise the negative effect the binary can have, but for some of us, it's a massive obstacle in our daily lives. I'm a female-to-male transgender person – that is, someone assigned the female sex at birth, but who identifies as a male – and I've been told plenty of times that I'm not a boy based on various things, including my lack of male genitals. That's just fine – ignore my identity and the way I present! No penis? Well, then, I'm clearly not a boy!
Being transgender brings all sorts of problems in my daily life. Obviously there are particular features of the female anatomy that are harder to conceal than others (I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to here). While there are ways of minimizing that area, it's hard to make it disappear completely. I find myself worrying about it all the time – is my chest flat enough to wear a T-shirt? Will other people notice? Will they read me as male?
There's a problem in bathrooms, too. Not so much a problem when I'm at home, but when I'm out and about, finding a unisex toilet isn't always easy, and at this point I often have to decide whether or not I should use a gendered bathroom. There's the permanent worry, though, that I pass well enough that using the female toilets would cause a stir, but that I still look too much like a girl to use the mens'. The same issue applies in school with both toilets and changing rooms – I've actually had to take to changing in the disabled toilet because I don't feel comfortable in the girls' changing rooms, and because others don't feel comfortable with me in there.
There's the taunts, too – I know everyone faces them at some point in their life, but to have to walk around and hear people asking (quite loudly, I might add) “Is it a boy or a girl?” as I go past isn't a pleasant thing to have to experience. Then, of course, when I answer that I'm a boy, I get told that no – I'm a girl! Because, of course, these people clearly know my gender better than I do...
What I find both funny and quite confusing at the same time is how, before I came out, people used to joke about how much I looked like a boy – and yet, as soon as I say I am one, people deny it, because how could anyone with a vagina possibly be a boy? It's funny to joke about, apparently, but as soon as it becomes real, they completely reject the idea. All this really tells me is that people seem to think that trans* people are some kind of mythical being to be joked about. Funny, perhaps, if you're not trans*, but if you are? That shit hurts, dude.
Part 3: What makes the man (or woman)?
This section can apply to both trans* and non-trans (or cisgender) people. Now, I'm sure many of us have, at some point in our lives, been told hat we need to “act more like a girl” (or boy). But what, exactly, constitutes acting like a particular gender?
We're taught from a young age that boys are meant to like blue and play with cars and trucks, while girls are meant to like pink and make-up and play with dolls, and that if we don't then we often end up being told that we're not girly/boyish enough, or something to that tune. This is more true for boys – if you want to see the kind of damage the gender binary's ideas of masculinity and femininity can do, just take a look at this article.
If the fact that six year olds are attacking each other for liking things not typically associated with their gender – and the fact that the school considered it a “minor incident” – doesn't make you realise just how fucking harmful the binary is, you may as well stop reading now. It's disgusting how people seem to be treated like this if they don't fit other peoples' ideas of what being a particular gender is. This shit is not cool. Next time you think about teasing a man for being feminine (or a woman for being masculine), just stop and think. Even jokes can reinforce the gender binary, and we've just seen why that's a negative thing.
It's our identity that makes us the gender we are, not our bodies or the way we behave – there is no one way that boys should act, and no one way that girls should act.
Part 4: Outside the box
Another point I'd like to bring up is the fact that we live in a world which only caters for two genders/sexes, which is an issue for many people. Some people are born intersex – they have both male and female anatomical characteristics, or perhaps their chromosomes aren't typical for the sex they develop as – or identify with a non-binary identity such as agender or genderqueer. We're obsessed with the idea that someone must be male OR female – as far as society is concerned, there is no middle ground.
Now, this could just be me, but this all seems a little...ridiculous. As much as we like to ignore non-binary folks, the truth is that they exist, and that the binary makes life very difficult for them at times. They're constantly being forced to try and fit into one box or the other – for example, intersex people born with “abnormal” genitalia are often forced to undergo non-consensual surgery on their genitals in an attempt to “correct” them. They could wait until later in life and then ask the person if they actually wantsurgery, but nope – better to get it out of the way while they're young and unaware, eh? Never mind the consequences it might have for them later in life – they'll be better off being normal like the rest of us!
...Or not. The fact is, these surgeries often come with all sorts of risks, including issues with sexual function and loss of sensation down there. Ask yourself: would you want that? Or would you rather they waited until you were at an age where you could make an informed decision yourself as to whether you want surgery or not? I know which option I'd take.
So, next time you're thinking about asking if someone's a dude or a chick, remember that they might not be either. Before you tell a guy he's not really a bloke for acting or looking feminine, remember that the way he looks and acts doesn't define his gender. Don't joke that that masculine-looking “girl” might have a dick, then reject their gender when they tell you they're trans*.
Remember things like this in other situations, too. If you're in a conversation discussing pregnancy for whatever reason, remember that trans* people can have uteri, too – not everyone who gets knocked up is necessarily a woman.
All of this might seem like a lot of effort – and it does take some adjusting to, given that we live in a world where non-binary people are ignored and trans* people made fun of – and you might not even think that the gender binary affects you at all. The truth is, though, it does affect most people, whether they be cis, trans*, gay, straight – anything. I guarantee you that we've all said something in our lives that reinforces the binary – but just by bearing in mind a few simple things, we can create a better environment for everyone, whether they fit into it or not.
Afternoon, folks! My name's Sam and today I'm going to be attempting a relatively well thought-out article on one of the many things in the world I absolutely loathe: the gender binary. In the coming weeks and months, you'll hear about a lot of things that I hate and I promise I'll get a little more light hearted. This week, not so much. If you want comedy, go read a different section, alright? If you want something to make you think however...
Part 1: What is the binary?
Some of you won't know what the gender binary is, so here's a quick run-down. The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders – male and female – and that anyone who is male must have a penis (or vice-versa), and anyone who is female must have a vagina (or, again, vice-versa). It's also the notion that anyone who is female must behave in a typically feminine way, and anyone who is male must act in a typically masculine way. I'm basically here to explain why in my opinion this binary is – and I'm being nice here – a load of shite.
Part 2: The binary and me.
Most people don't even realise the negative effect the binary can have, but for some of us, it's a massive obstacle in our daily lives. I'm a female-to-male transgender person – that is, someone assigned the female sex at birth, but who identifies as a male – and I've been told plenty of times that I'm not a boy based on various things, including my lack of male genitals. That's just fine – ignore my identity and the way I present! No penis? Well, then, I'm clearly not a boy!
Being transgender brings all sorts of problems in my daily life. Obviously there are particular features of the female anatomy that are harder to conceal than others (I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to here). While there are ways of minimizing that area, it's hard to make it disappear completely. I find myself worrying about it all the time – is my chest flat enough to wear a T-shirt? Will other people notice? Will they read me as male?
There's a problem in bathrooms, too. Not so much a problem when I'm at home, but when I'm out and about, finding a unisex toilet isn't always easy, and at this point I often have to decide whether or not I should use a gendered bathroom. There's the permanent worry, though, that I pass well enough that using the female toilets would cause a stir, but that I still look too much like a girl to use the mens'. The same issue applies in school with both toilets and changing rooms – I've actually had to take to changing in the disabled toilet because I don't feel comfortable in the girls' changing rooms, and because others don't feel comfortable with me in there.
There's the taunts, too – I know everyone faces them at some point in their life, but to have to walk around and hear people asking (quite loudly, I might add) “Is it a boy or a girl?” as I go past isn't a pleasant thing to have to experience. Then, of course, when I answer that I'm a boy, I get told that no – I'm a girl! Because, of course, these people clearly know my gender better than I do...
What I find both funny and quite confusing at the same time is how, before I came out, people used to joke about how much I looked like a boy – and yet, as soon as I say I am one, people deny it, because how could anyone with a vagina possibly be a boy? It's funny to joke about, apparently, but as soon as it becomes real, they completely reject the idea. All this really tells me is that people seem to think that trans* people are some kind of mythical being to be joked about. Funny, perhaps, if you're not trans*, but if you are? That shit hurts, dude.
Part 3: What makes the man (or woman)?
This section can apply to both trans* and non-trans (or cisgender) people. Now, I'm sure many of us have, at some point in our lives, been told hat we need to “act more like a girl” (or boy). But what, exactly, constitutes acting like a particular gender?
We're taught from a young age that boys are meant to like blue and play with cars and trucks, while girls are meant to like pink and make-up and play with dolls, and that if we don't then we often end up being told that we're not girly/boyish enough, or something to that tune. This is more true for boys – if you want to see the kind of damage the gender binary's ideas of masculinity and femininity can do, just take a look at this article.
If the fact that six year olds are attacking each other for liking things not typically associated with their gender – and the fact that the school considered it a “minor incident” – doesn't make you realise just how fucking harmful the binary is, you may as well stop reading now. It's disgusting how people seem to be treated like this if they don't fit other peoples' ideas of what being a particular gender is. This shit is not cool. Next time you think about teasing a man for being feminine (or a woman for being masculine), just stop and think. Even jokes can reinforce the gender binary, and we've just seen why that's a negative thing.
It's our identity that makes us the gender we are, not our bodies or the way we behave – there is no one way that boys should act, and no one way that girls should act.
Part 4: Outside the box
Another point I'd like to bring up is the fact that we live in a world which only caters for two genders/sexes, which is an issue for many people. Some people are born intersex – they have both male and female anatomical characteristics, or perhaps their chromosomes aren't typical for the sex they develop as – or identify with a non-binary identity such as agender or genderqueer. We're obsessed with the idea that someone must be male OR female – as far as society is concerned, there is no middle ground.
Now, this could just be me, but this all seems a little...ridiculous. As much as we like to ignore non-binary folks, the truth is that they exist, and that the binary makes life very difficult for them at times. They're constantly being forced to try and fit into one box or the other – for example, intersex people born with “abnormal” genitalia are often forced to undergo non-consensual surgery on their genitals in an attempt to “correct” them. They could wait until later in life and then ask the person if they actually wantsurgery, but nope – better to get it out of the way while they're young and unaware, eh? Never mind the consequences it might have for them later in life – they'll be better off being normal like the rest of us!
...Or not. The fact is, these surgeries often come with all sorts of risks, including issues with sexual function and loss of sensation down there. Ask yourself: would you want that? Or would you rather they waited until you were at an age where you could make an informed decision yourself as to whether you want surgery or not? I know which option I'd take.
So, next time you're thinking about asking if someone's a dude or a chick, remember that they might not be either. Before you tell a guy he's not really a bloke for acting or looking feminine, remember that the way he looks and acts doesn't define his gender. Don't joke that that masculine-looking “girl” might have a dick, then reject their gender when they tell you they're trans*.
Remember things like this in other situations, too. If you're in a conversation discussing pregnancy for whatever reason, remember that trans* people can have uteri, too – not everyone who gets knocked up is necessarily a woman.
All of this might seem like a lot of effort – and it does take some adjusting to, given that we live in a world where non-binary people are ignored and trans* people made fun of – and you might not even think that the gender binary affects you at all. The truth is, though, it does affect most people, whether they be cis, trans*, gay, straight – anything. I guarantee you that we've all said something in our lives that reinforces the binary – but just by bearing in mind a few simple things, we can create a better environment for everyone, whether they fit into it or not.
