What's not so hot? Quite a lot.

    I realise that it’s difficult to be ‘cool’ these days. One minute it’s geek chic, the next it’s 50s noir and who knows, next up might be seventies funk, but what we can at least do is tell you when something definitely isn’t cool, at all. You might remember previous topics; ‘Sparkly Vampire Cunts’, ‘Ironic Nerdiness’ and ‘Nick Clegg, the cunt with a thousand faces’. As I’m sure you’ve come to realise, we were right about all of those things. Everything we warned you about Clegg and then some has come true – so heed our warnings well my younglings, heed them well.

Harem Pants.

Ladies, I’m sorry, but as far as I can tell you’re trying to emulate MC Hammer, and is that what you really want? These ridiculous baggy clown trousers are the equivalent of wearing a sign around your neck saying ‘Please don’t shag me, I’m a twat’ and making such a sign would probably be a lot cheaper (Twenty eight quid for Aladdin trousers?!)

Snipe Says – Less ‘Can’t Touch This’ more ‘Wouldn’t touch this with a massive stick.’

 
Justin Bieber

The little bitch thinks that he’s ghetto. I’m sorry Justin, but men with the total inability to grow body hair aren’t ghetto and let’s be honest mate, you’ve got a tiny cock. It’s a well-documented fact that gangsters have massive, dinosaur willies which they use as weapons in lightsabre-style show downs – Fifty Cent and Tupac, going one-on-one with their wangers.

But the fact that he doesn’t wear big boy pants aside, the music is awful – he’s given us such insightful lines as ‘Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooh, my Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooh, My Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooh’, which I can only assume is based on the nursery rhyme his mum sings to him when he’s tucked up and ready to go beddy-byes. What’s the betting he wears Teletubby pyjamas?

Snipe Says – We like our music with a little more oomph. And our rock stars with a little more puberty.


St. Patrick's Day (Unless you're Irish)

Big heads-up for all of our American readers - you're not Irish. Just because your grand mommy's cat's previous owner's barber was Irish doesn't mean you have Irish descent and doesn't mean you can claim you're out celebrating your Gaelic roots. The only Irish roots you're likely to have are in the garden, how about we leave it at that?

At least in the U.K we have the decency to point out that it's just an excuse to get pissed.

Snipe Says - There's a pot of shame under your vomit rainbow.